Can you get therapy through the health system? That’s what you need. You lost a baby, for one thing. Therapy could help you process that as well as figuring out how to move past this first adult relationship where you seem to have gotten yourself stuck, and maybe help you reframe your narrative. And better equip you to be a partner in a relationship. It sounds like you take pride in, like, your ability to do things for your girlfriend like renovate a house, fix the computer, buy presents, but you understandably don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, let alone how to participate in one. Or how to realize when it’s time to move on. You also might have a mental health issue like depression that needs treatment.