Reply To: My partners parents keep turning up, uninvited.

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April 10, 2023 at 6:00 pm #1119591

This sucks, and I’m sorry. It sounds so frustrating, and unfortunately I don’t see any end in sight unless your partner gets on board. You need to be on the same page, AND the messaging needs to come from him.

I think therapy might be your best bet, for him so he can learn how to set and enforce healthy boundaries with his parents, and couples counselling so you can effectively communicate how this is impacting you and come up with a plan to handle it. You would also benefit from individual therapy so you can learn to manage your anger in ways that don’t involve verbally abusing your partner (yelling at him is not okay).

If you can get him on board with removing their access to your home, I think the softest way to do it would be to tell them you’re changing the locks because you lost a key. If (when) they want a new one, your husband should tell them you’ve decided to have only one spare and keep it in the house unless and until you go away and someone needs it. If they push, he may have to explain that you (both) would like a little more privacy. They’ll have feelings about this and that’s okay – it’s not on you two to manage their feelings for them. This is where therapy for your husband would be very helpful.

If you don’t think you can do it, get the chain. Make it about it safety, not about them.