Reply To: Am I being a spoiled bride?

You’re not being selfish, but you may need to recalibrate your definition of support.

With all the events surrounding weddings, it’s easy to judge your friends’ love and support of you by whether they step up and do those highly visible things like throwing you a bachelorette party and giving a speech. It’s even harder when you’re comparing what they’re doing to the groomsmen.

Your friends have legitimate reasons for not being able to do these things – your cousin is young, your friend struggles with anxiety, your other friend has financial concerns (she doesn’t sound like a great friend overall though). It sucks to find this out so close to the wedding, but financial situations can change suddenly, or often people really want to make it work or feel ashamed, which keeps them from saying anything early on.

Can you focus instead on the less visible but just as important kinds of support? Do they support your relationship with your husband and are they happy for you? Do they make time to listen and talk with you about your wedding plans? Will they attend your bridal shower and bachelorette if they’re able? Will they stand up with you while you’re saying your vows?

Listen – nobody at your wedding will think the bridal party looks “extremely awkward” if the number of attendants don’t match or if no bridesmaid makes a speech. Nobody is paying attention to stuff like that. They’re looking at you and the groom, thinking about themselves and how they look, and wondering when the bar opens. Have two groomsmen walk in with one bridesmaid, I’ve seen that done a bunch of times. Can one/both of your parents make a speech? Can your friend with anxiety write a speech and have one of your more outgoing friends or relatives read it for her? What about one of those enthusiastic groomsmen? I could see some great humorous moments coming out of having a male groomsmen read a female bridesmaid’s speech.

Congratulations on your wedding – and on your one-year anniversary!