Reply To: Am I being a spoiled bride?

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May 6, 2023 at 10:19 am #1119977

I’m a little confused too. You say: “Aside from 2 of my bridesmaids and my 15 year old cousin, no one seems to care about their roles or helping me with anything.” You have five people, and three seem to care (one, you say, is the best help you can imagine) and yet you are framing this as “no one seems to care about their roles or helping me with anything.” It sounds like you need a wee attitude adjustment and change in perspective. This is a happy occasion! You’ve got at least three people out of five in your bridal party who are showing the support you want. You’ve got two who are being kinda lame, and that’s too bad, but it’s not the end of the world. What is it you need help with exactly? Where are you feeling a lack? Can you delegate some specific tasks that will help you? Can you simplify things to make it easier on your support people? If nothing else, you can adjust your expectations.

Listen, I didn’t have a bridal party at all because I didn’t want to put that pressure on anyone. I asked literally nothing of any of my friends and family and I did all the planning myself (with my husband) and we DIY’d a lot of our wedding because we were on such a tight budget. And guess what? It was the best day! We had such a wonderful time and felt really supportive. Without being asked, a couple friends helped me with the flowers (I have experience in floral design and elected to do the flowers myself), helping me carry the arrangements to the venue the night before. Two friends gave speeches. I had two small bachelorette parties (one was literally just me and two other gals in NYC and then my friends in Chicago surprised me with a beach-side picnic on my last visit there before the wedding). The thing was, I didn’t expect any of this. Remember, I never gave anyone “roles” or anything, and no one was under any obligation to do anything. When friends care, they show up in ways that they can and want to. Let your friends show up for you in ways they can and want to, and understand that those ways may not be exactly what you are envisioning or hoping for, but the spirit in which they show up is what matters. Let them show their love for you their own way, and appreciate whatever that may look like.