Reply To: Am I being a spoiled bride?

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May 8, 2023 at 6:09 pm #1120029

The wedding party knows, they were all aware and/or at the elopement (The ones who are in town). The only people who don’t know are extended family/friends.

For better context, we had already booked this venue and planned our wedding before we made the decision to elope. The only reason for the elopement was because I had gotten a new job that did not offer insurance, and I was in desperate need of it.

When I say that my feelings are hurt by a few of my bridesmaids, I feel like I haven’t explained the situation well enough so maybe I can explain it better now.

MOH- My best friend of 14 years. I love her and we used to be inseparable. When I started dating, she grew distant because of her anxiety and told me she didnt want to ruin my “new life” or be a burden and “interrupt” us. I want to make it clear that when I started dating my husband, I made SURE to spend time with my friends still (one on one time, etc) and it definitely WAS NOT a “I have a bf now, I’m busy” situation. Since we have been friends for so long, I wanted to make sure that she would feel comfortable. The last thing I wanted was to put her in a situation where she was overly anxious. So I asked her if she wanted to be my moh, or a bridesmaid, or just a guest. I was totally fine with any of her decisions. But I asked her well in advance what was in her comfort zone, and once I asked everyone I planned on asking, she started tell me she was anxious about it and doesn’t want to say anything, etc. However, she still wants the role. My feelings are hurt because I found out about this so late and I was trying to be proactive.

MOH- 15 year old cousin. She is practically my little sister. I originally planned on her being my only MOH, but didnt want to hurt the previous friend’s feelings, and my aunt asked if it would be alright if she was a co-moh cuz of her age and said that usually the MOH will help get drinks for the bride and she didn’t want me to miss out on that. (My aunt’s words, not mine. Not an expectation of mine, just wanted to follow my aunt’s request)

Bridesmaid “M”- An old coworker of mine who is one of my closest friends. She’s the only one of my friends who lives in the state that has always been super supportive of my husband and I since the beginning. She has been helping me make all of the decorations/fake flower bouquets, etc, because we ARE doing this wedding on as much of a budget as we can. She went dress shopping with me (my dress is a used dress, with all proceeds going to charity) and has been hyping me and my husband up about the wedding. If the MOH would have refused the position, I would’ve asked her instead.

Bridesmaid “B”- A very close friend of mine, out of state, who was jealous of my husband when we started because I was more or less in a relationship with her before. She claimed she wasn’t interested in me, so I told her I was going to shoot my shot with a guy I was interested in. She told me to go for it, then was upset when it worked out and I fell in love with him. It’s been a rough few years figuring out our friendship again but I thought we were finally in a good place. She agreed to be a bridesmaid but now 5 months before is telling me she might not be able to come. The context that I’m frustrated over is that she just went on a vacation and spent $2k on uber and fun dinners, etc with a friend. She also has another trip planned next month, and just quit her job. I’m hurt because she is choosing these other trips over the wedding of her friend, which she has known about for over a year, and is telling me 5 months before. She lives at home, and doesn’t have bills, for more context.

Bridesmaid “R”- Dear friend of mine who lives out of state. She’s very, very busy, but very excited to be a part of everything.

Again, no one was forced into these “roles”. I didn’t slap a role on everyone and demand that they do things for me. I’m hurt because 2 of my bridesmaids won’t even talk to me about my wedding, answer me, or reach out to me. I’m trying to be excited. I’m hurt when I see my husbands friends being excited with him, all of them, when I feel like a burden a few of mine.

This wedding isn’t to “trick” everyone. We eloped for insurance reasons, after booking a venue, booking a photographer, booking a dj, etc. This is a wedding we both want, and planned for (and paid for!), we just had to elope a little early due to emergency. My husbands siblings all live out of state, and weren’t able to attend our elopement, so this is important to them and us to get a chance to finally celebrate.

More context, I HAVE tried reaching out to my friends, and I have been telling them how much I love and appreciate them. I’m not getting responses from my friends I’ve known the longest, so I’m hurt. Hope this explains more. Yes, our immediate families, groomsman and bridesmaids are aware that we eloped.