Reply To: Mom is a slob.

If you believe that your mom is afflicted by mental illness, then I hope you will stop using words like “lazy” and “apathetic” to describe her. Basic life tasks can be really hard when you’re struggling with your mental and emotional health.

You don’t have to stay with her if you’re too deeply affected by how she lives. I say this as someone who made the choice to stop visiting my parents’ home several years ago because their dynamics take a toll on my emotional wellbeing. Different circumstances, same idea — guard your own wellbeing whenever you can.

I once read something about boundaries that went something along the lines of this: Boundaries are the distance from which I can love you and myself. I’m probably butchering it, but I think that’s true. You can love your mom and be present for her in ways that don’t compromise your own sanity, but it’s not your responsibility to “fix” her. I’m glad you’re in therapy. It took me years of therapy to be a boundary-setting queen with my own family.