Reply To: Am I being too pushy on dates? I could use some advice.

You are in your mid thirties, not in your twenties. You should know better at your age and I’m not sorry that that offends you. I’d expect this behavior from someone younger, like mid twenties- although, even my young friends in the city I live in would never ask a woman they just met home if they especially if they were drunk. That’s not how things are done anymore. Maybe if they’d been dating for awhile and were comfortable with each other, being tipsy would be okay and consensual, but the young men I know do not take a woman they just met home. They know better. How do you claim to not know better?

I don’t care that my tone wasn’t to your liking. I’m calling you out on your predatory behavior. Whether that’s your “intent” or not, getting women drunk and asking every woman home on first dates that you say you have multiple times a week is not the behavior of a man looking for an actual relationship, not at your age.

Your behavior came across as pushy and made her uncomfortable. How about you sit with that feedback and maybe think about what, exactly, about your actions and behavior made her feel coerced and uncomfortable enough to not want to see you again, while you saw it as a very successful date. Go to town and make like a woman and over analyze it! Did you touch her without asking during the date or push boundaries in other ways? She left feeling uncomfortable and bad and doesn’t want to see you again. I’m not going to dress it up and say it’s not a big deal. It’s a big deal and you’re lucky she told you that.

You had the opposite experience, you had a great time. Why did you find that date so successful? Was it because you had fun and convinced her to have sex with you? It didn’t end with a second date, instead she is feeling major regret. You come off as creepy to me and that’s legitimate feedback. Most of us are women, and many of us have been coerced or pressured or even worse during situations much like you describe, just you know, from the other side of it. You may have had all the best intentions, but that’s not how it reads to everyone in the world, with all our varied experiences, so take that into consideration.

I’m not going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because why should I? Believe me I could be a lot harder on you. It’s not really hard to highlight the implications here without saying them at all. Honestly, I think I’ve been pretty easy on you. I’m trying to warn you because your behavior is borderline and you know it.