Reply To: Am I being too pushy on dates? I could use some advice.

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May 11, 2023 at 9:09 am #1120260

You saying “you understand consent” and “boo hoo” doesn’t exactly give you the image of being listeners. Again, think of the harms of oversimplifying major issues to both parties. You’re passing moral judgement when there might not be any and you don’t offer any real solutions. Again, the solution that you posted (let the women do the initiating, all of it) is not good advice and I outlined why. Does that mean you agree with what I posted? Or not? Are we on the same page… if so we can finally have meaningful discourse besides you 3 just yelling things.

Here are some pull quotes from the PsychologyToday article:

On the complexity of consent:
“…let’s talk about what makes sexual consent so difficult and what you can do to make sure that a sexual encounter is a positive experience for both people. This all assumes that both people have generally good intent, but sometimes mess things up—clearly coercive or predatory consent violations lack that good intent and go beyond the scope of this blog.”

Against formulaic recommendations:
“This is helpful and important, but like so much else about relationships and sexuality, it’s complicated—formulaic recommendations of what one should ask, when, and how aren’t enough.”

On the complexity of sex when alcohol is involved:
“In order to communicate clearly enough to prevent consent violations, both participants need to know themselves and each other better than most people do in those heated moments. This is even more true if alcohol is involved—and really true when too much alcohol is involved.”

On how things can change in an encounter (either way):
“What makes this harder in sexual encounters is that what you want can change as events unfold, especially if this is a new partner where you don’t know what to expect. You may find yourself wanting things to progress further than you initially planned—or you may decide to pull the plug.”

Literally the ending of that article:
“Consent Is Hard, But Worth It
None of this is clear cut or easy, but think of it as the cost of admission for any sex and especially for great sex.”