Reply To: Am I being too pushy on dates? I could use some advice.

Very strange commentary, Jeff. From what you wrote, which obviously is more your perspective than your date’s, you had legal consent but far from fully willing consent from your date. She turned your down once, and your go-to response was more drinking and then ask again. Is it any wonder she has regrets and feels manipulated by you. I don’t understand how her take on you can be other than that you had one very determined goal for the date and that goal wasn’t to build a relationship.

Yes, your prior relationships may have begun as hook-up, but you weren’t 36 then, weren’t looking for a long-term relationship then, and — very big point, all women are individuals, making generalizations that first-date hook-ups and relationships are compatible of suspect validity. You say you’ve hooked up a lot. You say you’ve been searching for a relationship recently. Yet only twice, and apparently not very recently, did that approach work for you. I think most view seeking a relationship and seeking sex on first date to be two quite different goals for a first date.

You didn’t contact her after the date. She contacted you to say she doesn’t want a second date. You couldn’t accept that. Your feelings were hurt. Did you really desire a real relationship with her or did you just want the chance to prove to her that you actually could perform in bed?

I think pride is the problem, as it is in many of your responses here. You tell yourself that you are so great in bed that your sexual prowess can turn a first-date hook-up into a relationship, whenever you are sufficiently into a woman. In your initial post you say you have a string of many hook-ups but no recent relationships, because you’ve yet to find a worthy woman. That’s self ego-massage. Your date tried to let you down easy, but you pressed her for a reason. She gave you reasons; you can’t accept them. You know as well as we do that her answer of a lack of chemistry translates to your pushiness followed by inability to perform has her thinking ‘never again with this guy’.