That’s your core belief about yourself. That there is someth8ng wrong with you.
There’s nothing wrong with you. But you need a good therapist to help you figure out why you do know what you want, who you are or what makes you happy. You’ve found all the things that don’t make you happy.
I don’t think needing a man as a therapist is necessary. Why would a man be needed? You just need a good therapist, period. Yours does what, with you?