Reply To: What do I suffer from?

In the beginning, when I started to live alone I did calculated everything. I knew exactly how much money I had to end the month. Then I took a credit last year because I had some unexpected expenses. And since then I just lost control. I asked for a little bit more than I really needed just to have some extra money in case. I still have that extra money but somehow I rather keep it than having my bills paid on time. I think it makes me anxious to return to a place where I have to think about saving my money or not being able to end the month without concern. Before my marriage I had the same pattern of differing until last minute and even beyond. My therapist says people have different warnings, some would wait extreme last minute and some would have it all paid on time. But she hasn’t been able to tell me why I act this way. Last week, they cut my electricity as i didn’t pay. The next day I paid directly because I had the money to do it. Why am I putting myself in these situations? I really don’t know. Is it self sabotage or fear of missing out… or is it because I’m not capable of taking my responsibilities? I’m trying to find some answers of people who did the same. A friend of mine, who has the same problem told me someday he did so because money and bills were the least of his concern as he had many other issues to deal with…