Reply To: How do I fix myself and be self sufficient after a series of bad relationships?

Thank you for responding, I personally don’t feel that I am the type to not feel ready for commitment. I’m very serious and devoted to whoever I am with and have been told I am a good lover. And yes sociopathic is not the right word, but definitely manipulative. I am not consciously attracted to do these types of guys.
When I speak of my ex, he is in a place where he knows he is not well. His financial and other insecurities make him compare himself to others, feel jealous of their experiences and nostalgic memories and I feel like that is a valid reason for him to not want to be with someone. But I have definitely let him access me too easily…when he came back, I felt cognitive dissonance cause I never expected that. I felt bad for all he’s been through.
He was mad about the other guy for mistreating me, and although I made it clear, I didn’t properly call him out on how hypocritical he sounded. I really do wonder if he would make the same sacrifices for me. He’d have to show me A LOT of sacrifice to ever get back with me again, if that were to ever even happen.

Same with the other guy I feel bad for how poorly he deals with life. He might actually just be doing this shit on purpose, sometimes I can’t help but feel bad. I’m sure I don’t like him, I just enjoy the attention he gives me….although it really disillusions me when I remember that he does not respect me. Maybe I should remind myself of that more often.

Long story short, it’s probably my self esteem. And lack of prioritizing my needs over my wants. For eg: I wanna stay for an extra 5 mins, but I should go 5 mins earlier to revise my notes which would be better for me in the long term. Ig I should apply something similar here.