Reply To: “I Had Sex with Someone Else While We Were Broken Up”

Hoo boy.
1. Gain his trust back from what, exactly? You cannot break the boundaries of a relationship you aren’t in. Policing what the other person does when you are not romantically involved with them is extremely controlling and unhealthy on both your parts. He didn’t break your trust by sleeping with someone a week after you broke up, and you didn’t break his by sleeping with someone a month after you broke up. Wtf. You can decide you don’t want to be with someone who moves on so quickly, and with whom you break up so frequently, but acting single while you’re single isn’t a betrayal.

2. What do you mean he “found” messages in your phone? Did he innocently see them or was he going through your phone? Because that is a major red flag and a serious violation of your trust and privacy. That alone is worth breaking up over. Taking your SO’s phone to find out information that is exactly none of your business (what they did before you were together) and then holding that information against your partner is next level controlling and a red flag for abuse. Nope.

The only person who owes an apology here and gaining trust back is him. You don’t trust each other. You are insecure and not acting like yourself when you’re with him. This is getting worse with time and proximity, not better. There are serious red flags that he doesn’t respect you and he’s manipulating you into feeling like you’re the one whose screwed up when it’s him. Take this is a blessing in disguise, even though I know it doesn’t feel like that, and don’t move in with this guy. Do what you have to do to break the lease and get away from him. He’s bad, bad news. It also sounds like you need to do some resetting on what a healthy relationship looks like, and get some of your self esteem back, before you date again.