Hello everyone, apologies for the late response. I’m slowly reading all of your responses and would like to clarify a few things:
• I do not believe that my sister is purposely sabotaging my hobbies or potential friend making. She has always looked out for me and even invites me out with her friends but I always decline as I feel like a “tag along”. I realise again that this is my own insecurity stopping me from participating.
• I did not invite my sister to the hobby as such however as we are close why would she not think that she can join in too? She thought it would be something fun we could do together, and if I confided in her about my insecurities and concerns about having no friends I believe she would not have attended in order to support me. Again I am too embarrassed to open up about this.
• I should have explained more in original post but I didn’t want it to read too long. I have had friends in the past 15 years, good ones. But I haven’t kept them. I made friends at an old job, quite a few. We were all close and would go out together. However when I left that job I didn’t keep in touch because again my insecurities told me that they wouldn’t want to continue the friendship outside of work. Looking back, they obviously did want to, I’m the one who distanced myself.
• I have a couple of friends who I see very occasionally, my fiancée knows about this and is very laid back so what one of you said is correct, he thinks I am content. I also sometimes up-play my friendships with certain people. I’m again too embarrassed to discuss this with anyone although I know that he would be totally supportive.
• again if I discussed this with my family, mother, father, sister, brother, cousins, aunties, etc I know that I would be showered with love and support and help and suggestions and invitations, the bottom line is I’m just too embarrassed.
Please let me know anything else you want me to clarify.