Wow he sounds absolutely scary. I have ADHD so doing stuff with my hands while talking or listening to something helps me immensely with paying attention to the conversation. The fact that someone could be so harsh and punitive and condescending to a partner blows my mind. Please know this is absolutely abnormal and not okay. My husband sure as heck would never treat me like this. Please talk to people who you truly trust and have your best interest in mind and think about if this is really what you want.