You aren’t in love with HIM. You are in love with the way you feel when someone is giving you affection. Who then rips it away, and makes you feel terrible and then comes crawling back and you feel wanted again – which is the feeling you love.
You want to be wanted. You want to be desired. But you’re willing to sacrifice your self-respect and mental health for someone who doesn’t deserve you.
You can do so much better.