Reply To: Enmeshed with a Toxic Mother

Hi, I agree that this is a far bigger issue than folks on an online forum are prepared handled, but I posted it here because I am hoping we get multiple voices echoing the importance of listening to your therapist.

What you’ve described about your mother’s behavior isn’t normal. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you and has doesn’t good thing for you, but you’ve described a level of abuse that would affect anyone’s ability to function well. That you’ve made it to where you are now – able to do work, attend therapy, take coursework, care for your mother – is a testament, I’m sure, to your strong spirit and your drive to create a better life for yourself. Please know that any challenges you’ve faced are not your fault. But you will need to work to overcome them. Your therapist can guide you through that work, which I know will and must involve setting strong boundaries with your mother (and father), and living independently of her.

I just read a book that might resonate with you and I recommend it to have some better understanding of the situation you’re in. It’s called “What My Bones Know” and it’s a memoir by a woman who experienced a very toxic relationship with both her parents and has overcome many of the challenges that toxicity created in her life. It’s a story of resilience and home and the determination of a woman to find peace and meaning. I suspect you share similar qualities. We’re wishing you all the best.