Reply To: Breakup

Hi Selena, I don’t agree that your “goal is to not find a perfect partner but someone who is 100% sure about you.” I don’t think that should even necessarily be a priority. First of all, what does is it mean to be “100% sure about you”? It’s such a vague phrase. How will you recognize it when you see it? Be specific about your goal, about what you want. What does “100% sure about you” look like? Is it actions? Is it showing up for you in a certain way? Is it words he says? How does it feel? Name what it is exactly that you’d like to see and hear and feel with a partner so that you can recognize it when you find it.

By reframing your thought and phrasing here, you center yourself – what you want and need – rather than centering this other hypothetical person and what he thinks about you. YOU are in charge here. YOU are doing the choosing. You’re not waiting for someone to decide whether’s he sure about you or not. If our thoughts direct what we attract to ourselves – and I believe they do – think about the qualities you find attractive in a potential partner. I know there must be something you want beyond someone who is sure about you.

But weeding out someone who ISN’T sure about you after two years is a fine way to use that measurement. Since your ex falls into this category, I think it’s safe and advisable to keep him an ex and to open your heart and open space in your life for someone who will be a better fit for you.