Reply To: “Should I Give Him an Ultimatum?”

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September 6, 2023 at 9:53 pm #1125327

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was, “Never stay with someone for their potential.” Phrased differently, if you knew everything would stay exactly as it is today for 5 more years, or 10 more years, would you still want to be in this relationship?

Because the fact is, he has shown you who he is and you keep thinking you can change him. How would YOU like to be with someone who insisted that you needed to change yourself for them to be happy with you? You’d probably feel hurt and insulted.

This guy isn’t ambitious and motivated, he doesn’t want to be a stepdad, and he doesn’t share your values about money. He thinks you should do most of the work in the relationship while he only has to have fun.

You can love someone and have fun with them and still be incompatible in a serious, long-term relationship. You and he are not compatible and you’ll spend the rest of your lives making each other miserable — you’ll resent him for not pulling his weight in the relationship and he’ll resent you for trying to change who he is. End things now when you can part amicably and your children don’t get more attached than they already are.