Reply To: How to move on?

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September 12, 2023 at 4:02 pm #1125389

The transition from dating to just friends can be very difficult. One of the friends having mental health issues makes it far more difficult. Although he was the one who decided against further dating, it sounds like he later wanted to resume dating, which is why you got the comment about not abandoning them once you got into a relationship.

You need to figure out why you are so attached to this guy. You dated for a short while, then he broke up with you. Then for some reason you nominated yourself as the savior who would guide him through his mental health problems. Sounds like you didn’t accept the breakup and wanted to recreate a relationship, although you had only dated briefly. You stayed in what you describe as a one-sided friendship, taking emotional abuse from him and seemingly hoping that all the help you were providing would rekindle romantic feelings on his end. It seems to have just created a daily-living dependency on you. It was an unhealthy friendship for both of you. I think in the end that he recognized this and pulled away.

You might consider some therapy for yourself to try to figure out your own actions: why you took on the savior role, what you expected in return, why you are so disturbed by the end of this very unhealthy friendship. You aren’t his parent, psychologist, or gf. Why did you decide to fix him?