My friend’s father died suddenly a few weeks ago. I sent her texts that didn’t require anything from her in return (I didn’t ask questions from her to answer; I just sent her messages that I was thinking of her). Because I wanted to send flowers and bc there were a couple other logistical questions I had, I reached out to her husband, who replied quickly. a couple weeks later, when my friend had had a little time to absorb the shock, she called me and said she really appreciated that I let her know I was there for her without requiring anything.
When people are in shock or are under a lot of stress, it’s best to do the things you can do that don’t require anything from them at all. if you need information, reach out to someone close to your friend, but don’t put any emotional labor on her, even if it’s a simple question that you think she could answer quickly. Even simply questions can feel overwhelming in an emotionally charged and physically draining situation.