Reply To: How to Balance Parent’s in Relationship/Jealous Mom

Well, it sounds like you and your family had a bit of an unhealthy dynamic growing up. They sound isolated and like your mother’s been a crutch for you- until now. Do you have other friends? Other than the fiancé? Now she’s getting very upset, unable to control her emotions, and lashing out, angry and spiteful. Now is when you need to learn how healthy relationships work and what boundaries are. You should take some time and think about what you want, how you can approach your mom and get what you want without maybe causing a total blowout, or with- we can’t control how other react to our boundaries.

My quick suggestion is to be as calm as you can and treat her with respect and say, “mom, if you can’t stop shouting I need to hang up.” And do so. Insert the behavior that will cause the boundary enforcing with you. Make time for her in other ways. Encourage your parents to make friends their own age…it’s a little strange to me that you have all been so isolated.

If you have the income, I’d start seeing a therapist and explain what you wrote above. She built an unhealthy dynamic relationship with you, however unknowingly, growing up, for whatever reason in which you both have been very codependent with each other, is how it sounds.