Reply To: How can I help my 19yo son?

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October 14, 2023 at 8:06 pm #1126253

Thank you both for your responses.
Anonymousse: Thankfully he will still talk to my husband sometimes, and I am doing my best to get him to talk to me and his sister, to try to get him to agree to at least come visit. As far as the car, I do feel that it will be his only way to get away if he does come to his senses and realize what is going on. I have been talking to a counselor, but I probably do need to look into some groups that you have suggested, I have been looking alot up today about covert narcissists, and I am seeing alot of similarities. We have reached out to her parents twice, once before he left, and again about a month after, they have not responded, and of course our son was mad that we even sent the letter. He said we were trying to be controlling and trying to hurt him. They have also lied to him saying I sent them messages via social media of which I did not, and when we asked for proof, they could not provide any. Also the day after he left the mom posted on social media, “A & K are finally home” when I addressed this with my son (as people were asking if he moved there) he said its just a misunderstanding, and she did not mean anything by her post. After that conversation they all blocked me from social media, and he deleted his only to make a new one, that only her family is friends with him on, basically deleting his past with us. They also bought my son a different phone and put him on their phone plan, and mailed the one we bought him back to us, (writing was female on the box and envelope it was in) and there was a nasty typed out letter, (which was not his wording, or sounded like him at all) stating how her parents were helping him through all his trauma and abuse. Our kids were never once spanked in their whole life, and always were talked to about things, and actually pretty spoiled compared to most of their friends.
The girlfriend told my son that I told her she needed to break up with him, and all he would be is a deadbeat dad, (of which again was never said), and is now targeting my daughter and his best friend, since he won’t talk to me, she’s onto those that were left that he did talk to. I really feel they are doing whatever they can to keep him there, and away from those that truly do love him not matter what.
You are now the 4th person that actually brought up cult. Are there certain cults that I should be researching? They are towards the upper East coast, not sure if that makes a difference. Any websites or insight would be much appreciated on groups, or cults, etc.
I am praying he will start talking to me again and come visit us. I really believe that if he sees all of us, he will feel much different, and I think that is her fear. As a few weeks ago, I said I was going to drive there to see him, as this has all become too much, and I was told that if I showed up there, the police would be called, and I would be arrested. So, we really feel like we are at a loss right now, and I don’t know what to do. We are just very worried about him, this is his first girlfriend ever, and I know he is head over heels right now.
When I looked back at a lot of her old social media, she was posting things like “she was in love” “she was going to marry him”, then also telling him how she was in a past abusive relationship, of which she posted “he saved her after that relationship” these were all posted even before they ever met in person.
I just pray her realizes what is going on before she ends up pregnant or even gets him to marry her, which I would not put past her parents planning without our knowledge.