Reply To: “How to keep my family safe from said friend’s violent partner”

You shouldn’t be looking for a script that will “satisfy Dante,” what’ve that means. You have to protect your son, and unfortunately maybe that will come to ruffling some feathers with Dante and Trevor, or maybe not. I would just play it cool and try to keep your hangouts to adults only. If Dante presses, you will have to explain to save your friendship. Just tell him the truth, basically what you’ve said here. You don’t think Trevor is a safe person and don’t want him around your young son. And then just create that boundary, and maybe tell him you don’t like Trevor at all.

If he’s your best friend and he’s being abused, sure be that safe person, but ALSO you could try one time to be the person who tells your best friend that you love him, and it makes you really hurt and sad that he is with someone who treats him so terribly. And then offer him a couch to sleep on or a session with a therapist, if you can. It’s not even just about your son, which is the primary issue here- you have a child to protect, but being around Trevor also triggers you. That’s not fun. You don’t have to suffer because Dante is in an abusive relationship.