Reply To: “How to keep my family safe from said friend’s violent partner”

“Dante, I love you and greatly value our friendship and want you in my life as much as availability allows. Lately, I’ve not felt comfortable supporting your relationship with Trevor and while you are always welcome in our home and while I hope we can continue the one-on-one time I feel really lucky to get to have with you, I don’t want to spend time with Trevor. It hurts to see how he treats you, and his behavior isn’t something I want in front of my son. I want you to know that going forward, when I extend invitations to you for get-togethers I’m hosting, the invitation is for you only and I hope you will accept it and know that my not extending an invitation to Trevor isn’t a reflection of diminished love for or acceptance of you; it’s the opposite. You’re my best friend and I want what’s best for you and that includes a relationship where you are treated with respect and love and dignity.”

I wouldn’t even mention the jokes as I would hope this sample script would put a stop to them but if they don’t, then you can either continue ignoring them or ask him in a separate note or conversation to stop making jokes about how he’s being mistreated.