What do you want? What do you actually want in this scenario? A script for the bf? One for the mom?
Do you even want to have a communal dinner?
How old are you?
Your boyfriend told you it’s uncomfortable for his family because they don’t know yours well. Some people don’t want to get to know their son’s girlfriend’s family when they’ve planned a vacation to their son’s town and your parents don’t even live there.
He told you it would be uncomfortable for them, and that maybe they can stop by another time instead.
How is that unclear? Why are you afraid to speak to him more about it?
I think this is weird and that your mother is pushy and overbearing. But you have let her be this way in your life. You’re in knots trying to figure out what to do without offending anyone. That’s the depth of people pleasing you’re doing. You’ll have to figure out what you want and do it.
She hasn’t been invited. To me, that’s the end of it. They are aware your parents exist, and live 45+ minutes away. I doubt your anxiety has escaped your bf’s notice unless you keep parts of yourself very hidden.
Why are you so afraid to bring this up with him again and get a definitive answer of whether your parents can be included or not?
Why are you so afraid to tell your mom, sorry but Jeff hasn’t mentioned a big all-family dinner, or even, they just want a family thing this time?
Work on your boundaries, your confidence. Are you more scared of offending your mother or asking your bf?