Reply To: Falling “In Love” With My Friend

Unless you’ve been given some kind of indication that your friend’s feelings have changed, I don’t think it’s a good idea to say anything. Effectively at this point, your friend knows that at least at one point you had feelings for her. That basically puts the ball in her court.

I hate saying the common refrain of “therapy is a good idea” but here we go: This statement is kind of concerning to me.

“However, I began to fall for her because unlike most other people I had feelings for, she was the only person that I felt a sense of calm around and that I didn’t have to prove my worth to.”

Why is this? What was it she did that is different from other friends and love interests? Why are you going through life under such pressure? It’s not healthy to pin your entire sense of calm to a single person. Finding more people who you don’t feel judged by will be important going forward.

A good therapist could help you unpack this and hopefully take the edge of some of the feelings of rejection. But in the meantime, attempting any kind of romantic relationship with this woman is probably a dead end.