Reply To: “My Mom Has Cancer and She’s Left Me Out of Her Will”

Actually, the question of what a parent should do when one child is in significantly better financial circumstances than another is a tricky one. I am assuming that since your sister is a single parent and lives with your mom that she is not in nearly as good a financial place as you, a person in. a dual parent household that at least owns your own home. Given the current housing costs, it is not unreasonable of your mom to worry about your sister’s housing situation after she passes. However, a trust would allow her to distribute her money in a more equitable way and still protect your sister. There are trusts in which your sister would have the right to stay in the house until she dies and then ownership could be split among the grandchildren.

While I can understand leaving your sister more, I do have to wonder why she chose to leave you absolutely nothing – that seems like a rather strange decision, as is blaming you for making her move. She’s a grown woman, so moving should have been her choice. Could she possibly have felt that she moved near you and then was frustrated that you didn’t come to visit or help her very much (I have a friend who took a sabbatical to Atlanta to be near her sister but the sister was always too busy to spend time together and my friend was incredibly annoyed they’d gone there). At the end. of the day, you cannot control your mother’s inheritance and if she chooses not to leave you anything you’ll need to accept that situation.

I do think – especially with her having cancer – that you will feel better if you get to the root of why your relationship with your family went off the rails. Did your troubles with your sister cause you to distance yourself from your mom and not visit her often because your sister lived with. your mom and would cause stress if you came over? I’d recommend starting individual therapy to explore why this relationship went off the rails, and maybe joint counseling if your therapist thinks that would be productive for your mom and you.