Reply To: I asked my daughter on Thanksgiving why she didn’t tell me she’s no longer vegan

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Lightningrod5
November 25, 2023 at 9:14 am #1126782

I can give another example. My wife and I have a little hobby business where we write books, sell merchandise, do event visits, etc. (The topic is unrelated to veganism.) My daughter often helped in these projects, which again, not only did we deeply appreciate but my daughter showed repeated enthusiasm for, verbally and with her participation. Yes, we paid her for her work, as much as we could afford.

When she moved out a year ago, we finished up the last project, but it took my daughter much longer to complete her work than usual (about 1.5 months longer). I had the feeling she didn’t want to do this anymore, but I am of the mindset that I shouldn’t have to chase down an adult and pull words out of them. They should be able to tell me what they feel. Neither did I want to put words in her mouth, so I waited. She never brought it up, so almost a year later when we’re ready to start our next project, I noted how long it took her next time and asked her if we should find someone else for her role. She said yes.

That’s fine, but again, why the lack of transparency? I strongly feel my daughter has not wanted to do this for a long time, but kept that to herself. But now, we are scrambling to find someone to take her place when she could have given us a heads-up long ago. I also brought this up on Thanksgiving.

Her answer was that a year ago, she was busy after moving out (which I get, but my daughter also updated us on her schedule and it was not that busy-sounding) and accidentally took longer on the project. Afterwards, she simply stopped thinking about the books (which is another thing; it’s always been “us” and now it’s flippantly not on her mind for months. Again that tells me she didn’t want to admit she wasn’t interested anymore).

And I said this on the call: There are things you are clearly feeling and not communicating with me. You won’t admit it now, but your actions told the truth. I don’t say this to browbeat her, but again, honesty is the foundation to any relationship. And she was mostly silent when I said this, avoiding my glance in FaceTime, which tells me I’m on the right track and she won’t admit something to me.

Does that give more context?