Reply To: I asked my daughter on Thanksgiving why she didn’t tell me she’s no longer vegan

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November 26, 2023 at 3:55 pm #1126841

I totally agree with the other commenters and I do wear a mask when outside our home; I do this as if my wife’s life depends upon it, because it does.

You are missing a lot here. When you say things like “my daughter used to be enthusiastically vegan and helping with the family side business” you don’t consider that she had a choice other than to present that facade. It sounds like your family ran like a cult and daughter went along to get along. When she moved out of your house she could, for the first time in her life, decide how she wanted to live her life and what values married to her.

Yes, you are very controlling. You would only have calmly asked questions if she had revealed she was no longer vegan? To translate: you would have forced her to justify her decision and tried your best to force her to change it. How do I know? The way you right and the fact that your wife, who is so into enforcing the ‘family rules’ you have set down in your little cult, felt the need to inspect her daughter’s refrigerator for meet but understood your daughter’s plea that she (your wife) not pass the information on to you. It seems your wife also fully understands what your reaction would be.

A parent may hope that their child follow parent’s philosophy for the remainder of their lives, but it needn’t be so. My favorite saying is “you have but one life to live and it’s yours, not your child’s.” You say that you and your wife decided to become vegans in your 30’s. That’s fine and in many ways commendable, but this is what it tells me: you and your wife, as adults, made a decision to live your lives in a way which was different from how your parents raised you. As an adult, that was your right.

Whether your daughter decides to be an omnivore, or drop out of the religion she was brought up in or leaves religion entirely, or belongs to a different political party than you do, or dates/marries someone you disapprove of, or doesn’t follow your preferred career path, or decides she’s LGBTQ+, or never wants to be a mother, or lives at a higher or lower living standard than you do — that’s all her choice and something that you have no control over and should expect no explanation for, just as you should expect to be granted no right of parental rebuttal to attempt to change her position. She’s an adult. That is the determining factor here. She makes her own decisions.