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The anecdote about the side business is also bizarre. You and your wife are the business owners, which means you are supposed to say something if your employee or independent contractor — daughter or not — is taking too long to finish her work. And staffing projects when you ramp up again is your responsibility. If you are “scrambling” to find someone to do the work, it means you as the business owner messed up.
You seem to really enjoy feeling superior to her and making her feel bad for things that aren’t her fault.