What on earth do you want me to tell you, Kate? Do you want pictures of my new apartment? The address? I’ve literally even bought a new laptop since I’ve began posting on this board. I’ve moved out. You don’t believe it, fine, but I’m not going over this anymore.
“I’m struck by what your mom said about your siblings moving out “well they didn’t want to be here anyway” that says so so so much about your parents and I don’t think you need to discuss further with your mom.”
I agree. There’s extra context behind those words, like all of us being from another state originally and moving here a few years after I was born and my parents believing that they did not respect my mom enough, didn’t want to be with my dad, yada yada.
“You really need to stop trying to get her to help you figure this out or agree with you that it’s fucked up.”
Yes, I get that she will never agree or see or understand. That’s why I regret even having that conversation with her, the only time I’ve been open about this, because even though I wasn’t expecting that, I don’t know…I wasn’t thinking clearly and just vomited it out.
Another thing she kept saying. Well, two things. One, “do you hate your father?”, which I refused to answer, because it’s a dumb question, and two, “How do we move past this?” There is no moving past it; it’s just who they are.
But this will come to a head, it’s likely to come up the next time I call, my father will bring this up on Christmas if I visit, and I don’t want to send a letter and be done with it because that seems like the cowardly way out. I want to say it verbally, whether over the phone or in their face. And not to get any certain reaction out of them–especially not an apology or “explanation”–but it feels like the truest thing to do FOR ME.