Reply To: Advice on friendship

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December 18, 2023 at 6:49 am #1127132

If you feel a loss of control here, there are two ways to address it.

1. Talk to the manager, “sometimes when you are communicating to the team you are leaving me out. I know that can’t possibly be intentional, so I want to make sure that whatever group chat or distribution list includes the entire team.” You see how you’re calling out your boss’ behavior but giving boss and “out” – it’s totally not intentional right? – and asking boss to correct a mistake that keeps happening.

2. Let your friend shine. You don’t have to praise your friend for doing their job, but you can reframe this situation. Your friend wants to feel special. Sure they want to feel special by making you feel small, so not great friend behavior. But manipulative me knows that in these situations, the best reaction you can have is either indifference “cool cool” or encouragement “That’s great! I’m so happy for you!” In a weird way a combination of indifference and praise will take some of the joy away from your “friend” and what is your friend going to do, get mad that you’re happy for them? “Thanks for letting me know, boss is always forgetting me so it’s great I can count on you to tell me what’s up.” “I know I can count on you friend to help me out.” “I’m so glad you and boss get along.”

In the new year start looking for something else, you can only take so much before you crack.