I texted that because I knew she’d be even more upset if I didn’t say anything at all on Christmas. I can see what you’re saying, Kate, but I’m sure what she means by “game” are my attempts to stay semi-connected to her but no longer my dad…and to her, I’m the “petulant child” trying to play nice with mom but holding mean, childish grudges against dad.
My mom has been the enabler in a lot of my dad’s abuse, yes. But I did have more forgiveness for her, and she’s also been through a lot of loss the past couple of years, so I did want to stay in her life in some degree to support her.
Clearly though, she considers her and my dad a package deal. And not only have I already been “figuring out” how I feel about them (slowly distancing), we had that Thanksgiving conversation that called things to the table. She was in denial and deflecting, then. Now I hear from my brother that they’ve been ranting around the house about me for months, promising to say something about it, and the most I get is the convoluted, accusatory Christmas text…of which they’re no doubt expecting me to respond to, which feels like playing into their immaturity and placing myself in more volatile, unfair conversations.