What is the purpose of sharing the text exchange with your mom here?
I have a lot of empathy since I know the holidays can be extremely difficult when your family is a hot mess, when your mental health is iffy, when you are alone and feel it. However, for the billionth time, you need therapy. Your issues — and your family’s issues — go well beyond the scope of what an online forum can offer. You need the support of a trained professional who speaks with you regularly IRL or on camera online, preferably one who specializes in your major issue(s). You can find one on Psychology Today, where you can filter by things like speciality, location, insurance, accepting new patients, etc.