The first part resonates with me. I don’t know if this is maybe completely wrong but I just wanted to be “chosen” instead of being put second to porn. My ex moved out about 3 weeks after my last post. I will admit that I struggle with the idea of being alone but this “skeeveball” didn’t fill that void. He tried, trust me. But he would never fill that void and I’ve actually made peace with that. I am focusing more on finishing college and meeting new people (women). Initially, I tried to meet new male friends but I decided that’s not what I need or want to do at this point in my life. I have some acquaintances that are female but while I was in the relationship I focused on the relationship way too much and neglected those acquaintances. However, I do need friends more my age anyway so that’s what I’ve been trying to do aside from this friend. He had simply always been there and I realize that I should’ve put an end to his behavior a long time ago but I struggled to stand up for myself.