Another passing thought, I had a boyfriend whose dad seemed to have been abusive, not to the extent you’re talking about but he really messed with his kid’s head and would “whup” him.
There was some of this type of shit in our relationship, like he wasn’t sympathetic when I hurt myself, I can think of a time I hurt my shoulder working out and didn’t feel safe driving so asked if he’d mind driving to Cape Cod this once (we went lots of weekends, like a 2-hr drive). We would take my car, but I’d need him to drive. He had a hissy fit all about his long commute which I totally understood and that was why I always drove. He did not give two shits about my shoulder.
We broke up, and I have zero regrets. He’s married and has a kid now but sounds like he’s heading for divorce because he’s been asking some divorced friends super detailed questions about divorce. My guess is his wife wants to leave him.