Reply To: “Fiancé Didn’t Defend Me to His Abusive Father”

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January 6, 2024 at 7:46 pm #1127524

The family violence division might be able to tell you how to evict your soon to be ex, or ideally offer to be there when he’s leaving. Change all locks immediately after and plan to stay with a friend for a week if you can. If you’ve got the cash, an hour of the time of a local attorney who specializes in tenant and eviction issues could also be a good idea. Definitely start with a women’s support group like Kate is suggesting, and get yourself into counseling – a domestic violence org should be able to recommend local practices that accept patients on a sliding scale if you need a low cost option, or if your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program, give them a call.

The fact that your family is making excuses is very concerning, but please know that doesn’t mean they’re correct. For whatever reason they either don’t have your best interests at heart, or abuse is something that they’ve become used to in a way that is clouding their judgement- all things to talk through in counseling. Unfortunately it’s not surprising that things have gotten worse, when an abuser senses that you’re pulling away/not buying their bullshit they’ll often turn up the heat to try to maintain their control. Please get in touch with domestic violence resources asap as this can be a really risky time, and make sure you’ve got a quick escape route if you need it – keep a “go bag” in your car or at a friends with the essentials, you don’t owe him an in-person breakup so please don’t have those conversations anywhere but over the phone, etc. Research shows the very best predictor of violence from an abuser is their partner’s intuition – so trust your gut implicitly. If something feels dangerous, get out immediately. Even if it feels “extreme” or he’s trying to tell you to stay. Your gut told you not to go back in his dad’s house and you were right. Trust yourself.