Agree that the pattern of abuse was set by your husband. Your daughter does this because her father set the precedent, when anything goes wrong it’s your fault. You are the family punching bag. Only you can decide whether or not time with your granddaughter is enough to put up with this nonsense. While I do understand it, I also worry that within a short time your granddaughter is going to pick up on this behavior and your heart is going to break all over again.