Reply To: “Verbally Abusive adult Child Wants Money”

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January 19, 2024 at 3:59 am #1127756

This is a heart-breaking situation. The issues as you’ve listed them place you in a passive role. You can’t change anyone else; the question is, do you WANT to change yourself? I’m not victim-blaming to say that everyone in a family has a role in the family script, and as LisforLeslie said, your role is to be the family punching bag. Can you even imagine a life without being yelled at? If it was me, I would start to lock down my finances, squirrel away money, consult a lawyer (top secretly), and yes, see a therapist (without asking permission). These are all things I had to do, but they didn’t free me from the ugly relationship with my child (which directly aggravated a stress-related medical condition, and which in part was a result of the teen treating me the way my ex had). That will take time and strongly set boundaries (which your husband will not accept & which you will need support in form of therapy to make & keep). If you don’t want to leap into the unknown, you can always start with setting a simple boundary, “I won’t be spoken to that way” then walk away. Remember, if there’s no you, there’s no you in your granddaughter’s life.