I didn’t get all the way through this letter. I got everything I needed by your second paragraph where you write: “The relationship has been all bad from the start.” I skimmed the sixteen or so paragraphs after that and everything I read affirmed that this is a terrible relationship. You said you know you need to leave your boyfriend. I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for. HOW to leave him? How to deal with hard things? How to do something that’s hard without it feeling bad?
I mean, the truth is, sometimes things are hard and they suck and you feel bad for a while. That doesn’t mean you should avoid doing the hard thing. You do it anyway and accept that you’re going to feel sad or lonely or resentful or whatever for a little bit. It won’t kill you. You can do something each day that will help you feel a little less sad or lonely, like make plans with friends, move your body, get out in nature, eat nourishing foods, read something enjoyable, watch a favorite movie, the list is endless, really. Do something every day to help you feel a little better and in time – a couple months, maybe, by the first signs of spring – you will start feeling better without the outside stimuli and prompts.
Eventually, the bad feelings will be in the past and you will thank yourself for getting out of a sad, lonely relationship that left you feeling resentful and upset so that you could open your self to activities and people who have the opposite effect on you. There’s no secret tip or advice for speeding through the period you have to get through to get there. You just put one foot in front of the other until you’re on the other side. It’s the same thing that will get you through all the hard stuff you’ll be faced with in life. One foot in front of the other, you can do it.