Reply To: BPD Mother Adding Stress to Early Pregnancy

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February 5, 2024 at 9:56 pm #1128033

I’m really sorry. Things with my mom came to a head long before I had children, but our relationship has actually gotten better (my description) with space and time. She lives in AZ and I live in PA and we really have nothing in common. I wish my parents were different people- but I have finally accepted that they are who they are. (Therapy.) You may think you know and understand that your mom is this way, but it sounds like you’re really grieving that she is not well, and cannot be a well mom for you. I know I’m annoying, but my therapist really helped me understand that she is the only person who can change. And she has to want to and work toward it, and some people just will never. The only thing I can do is make boundaries to keep myself happy and sane, damn anything else, even a relationship with her if that’s what it comes down to. Because I don’t deserve abuse and neither do you. Making boundaries that make you unhappy to give her a little, is not going to make her happy. Your baby doesn’t need a nasty old lady in his life, even if it is his grandma. Trust me.

I have had to find parental figures. I don’t really have a mom figure right now, but I have a dad figure who was an early boss of mine and he and his wife have bee involved in my life since I was 18. They truly appreciate and love me for the person I am, and it’s a different, but it takes up some of the space of a mom or a dad.

Good luck, and internet hugs,