Reply To: Conflict with in-laws, how to behave?

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SlyRacoon
February 11, 2024 at 9:14 pm #1128128

Thank you for your opinion.
My husband doesn’t particularly enjoy spending time with his family. This is why my mother in law started running those things by me, as I found it quite difficult to reject (which caused some arguments with my husband, so now I try to consult with him before accepting anything). About her trying to include me in the family, quite frankly, it’s always about things no one else wants to do. Like for ex., she would invite us earlier than anyone and I would find myself helping her prepare someone else’s birthday while her daughter would be having fun in the swimming pools with her friends and so on.
About the argument with SIL, it happened because mil, sil and her boyfriend were spending a weekend in our house. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend slept on an airbed in a guest room. The door there had just been changed and would make a clapping noise if someone moved too much on the airbed. They overslept, and while everyone was having breakfast, the door started clapping loudly, creating a lot of noise. I expected my mother-in-law to address it, but after almost an hour, I ended up asking my husband to handle the noise.
They only emerged from the guestroom when my husband intervened. SIL went straight to the bathroom, and her boyfriend joined us for breakfast, shirtless with a red face and marks on his torso. When MiL asked if they were cold at night, I jokingly commented on his appearance, saying they didn’t seem cold. He laughed it off, and I playfully mentioned that he didn’t have to deny anything, as we weren’t born yesterday. He and mil were laughing about it and we just moved on on other subjects.
Once they left, however, sil sent me a message telling me she did not like I insinuated they were having sex, that they know how to contain themselves and that I put her bf in an awkward position.
So I replied that while I don’t believe they were having sex, but it would be wise of them not to behave in ways that may cause misunderstandings if it is something that makes them so uncomfortable.
I don’t think I was insulting anyone with what I said, while things my SIL wrote to me were quite rude, then my MIL called me just afterwards and was not very nice either. My husband felt the same about that situation, that’s why he took my side and that’s why he contacted his mother afterwards.

My sister-in-law was always behaving disrespectfully towards on multiple occasions since we know each other, but I never wanted to engage in an argument with a teenager. And I thought it was my MIL’s job to educate her child, but it never happened. But now that they are adults, I thought it was time to set some boundaries and I don’t see why I would apologise to her.
I’ll also add that since my SIL is with this guy, there always been troubles and he was offended each time he was invited to any family gathering. Her father had to apologise to him twice already for no reason.

I understand it is impossible to go no contact with my husband’s family especially now that we will have a baby. But I also feel very offended by this situation and I would like to figure out how to behave with all of them