Reply To: “I Feel Lost and Friendless After My Divorce”

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April 24, 2024 at 3:48 pm #1128907

Dear Lost, take courage. Think of how much you’ve accomplished since you were that person supporting someone who just wanted to control you. Leaving him is an achievement. Moving to a new city is an achievement. You can reframe people treating you unkindly as thoughtlessness, but you don’t have to keep going back for more of the same treatment. Can I just ask, are you in the habit of believing you need to work or offer something to people in order to be worthy of their care, affection, or love? If you are, you may well be attracted to/attractive to “use-y” people. Some people are takers, others are givers, and a taker will run a giver into the ground without a second thought. The fact that the dogsitting family have been use-y reflects badly on them. Finding some therapy would be amazing. Cognitive behavioural therapy can help you to change unhelpful thinking habits (and may be available online free or cheaply). Humanistic person-centred therapy, with the unconditional positive regard, that you are worthy human being no matter what, could be valuable. If you can, seek out activities in the community that you find value in. Keep walking that dog, and letting him love you. I lost 95% of my friends plus extended family after my divorce, but almost a decade later, I have a few new friends, people I can count on, and I know my life would have gone another way if I had stayed married.