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Lucidity
April 28, 2024 at 10:27 am #1128940

I’m very sorry for your loss, Leanne. I lost my mother to suicide. It is a devastating way to lose someone you love. I know the pain feels unbearable right now. The first year is so very hard, especially as you pass the first holidays and anniversaries without him, but the more time that passes, the duller the pain becomes, the easier the loss is to carry. One day it will stop suddenly crashing over you and taking your breath away all the time. You will be able to focus on the good memories again; the way he died won’t overwhelm them.

Please seek grief counselling, for yourself and your husband. You cannot heal from this without help. I was stuck in my grief so for long until counselling helped lift some of the crushing burden. Your husband, especially, is consumed by his anger at your son’s ex. You both must process that anger before you can grieve and begin to heal. This is especially important if the baby turns out to be your grandchild and you want to be able to have a relationship with them. If your husband is not ready for grief counselling, go alone for now. Find a counsellor who specializes in suicide. Find out if there are grief support groups in your area where you can meet others who have lost children. It can be very isolating when no one understands what you’re going through. Find people who do. The first time I talked with a woman who’d lost her mother the way I had lifted my soul.

Two books that were incredibly helpful for me were No Time To Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One and Touched by Suicide: Hope and Healing After Loss. You can find a free PDF of the Handbook for Coping with Suicide Loss here: https://suicidology.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Grief-Handbook-08-27-23-Full-Color.pdf

My very deepest condolences.