Reply To: Baby Shower Advice

I agree with Kate here. Your mom insisting on inviting Sharon is weird, no doubt, and maybe she will go behind your back and find her address and invite her against your wishes and that’ll be awkward but, as Kate says, Sharon will either decide to come or not. In the end, if this is the biggest issue with the baby shower, it’s not that big of a deal and you’re getting off lucky.

Traditionally, grandmothers-to-be aren’t even supposed to host baby showers. They’re meant to be thrown by close friends, aunts, or even co-workers. So, if you wanted to go by “rules” of etiquette, you’d have had a great excuse for your mom not to host your baby shower. And if you didn’t have anyone else to host it, you could also wait until the baby was born and host a “sip-and-see” where guests are invited to come see the new baby (and typically bring a gift). This would’ve been a great way to avoid your narcissistic mother being in charge while also celebrating this time in your life and your new baby and seeing people you care about.

Anyway, I point all of this out not to shame or blame you but to maybe underscore that you have easy ways of avoiding potential conflict with your mother that you aren’t using, and going forward, maybe it would benefit you to pursue the paths of least resistance with her. That doesn’t mean you have to go no or low-contact with your mom, but creating better boundaries will help protect your energy, and you’re going to need your energy as you transition into motherhood yourself.