Reply To: Baby Shower Advice

I would really encourage you to talk to your therapist and ask for help with boundaries ASAP. This is really a drop in the bucket compared to what you’re going to have on your hands after a baby comes, you’re exhausted and you’re mother is being demonic in the side. Trust me, it’s worse with a baby in your arms while you’re literally or figuratively screaming at your mother that you have an actual infant and she needs a new hobby. She is so emboldened by you all, your dad has warned you and apparently just enables her to behave this way, and has raised you to as well. This is a big deal. How close does she live to you?

I would be firm about the party. Give her the list of people, with people you worked with at an old jobs not on the list. It should be recent friends and coworkers and not fifty thousand Sharon’s around, because to me when you start inviting people you haven’t seen in 3+years (other than family) it does seem like a gift grab?

Take control back. Maybe think about what you envision your future life with your husband and baby to be like, talk about it with him. Get a vision in your mind of the kind of involvement you want from her. Write it down. Then, read it a few times and edit it and make the language calm, no abrasive or accusatory digs and tell her what you need. What you need is the space to grow as a mother and a wife in a new marriage and you really envision this happening…… hopefully you have the kind of relationship where you can ease her into something more healthy. Glad you have a therapist to help you work through it.

Make sure you and your husband are on the same page about the situation and most of the parenting stuff. It’s amazing to me that he and your dad are like, wow mom’s gonna be off the hook, and you’re like “yes, she is.” You are not seeing the red flags everyone else is.