Reply To: “Do Her Mixed Signals Mean She Wants Me Back?”

Hi Kate, thank you for your kind response and advice. This is what I came here for. She has a lot going on in her life with kids, a new job, and her dad just recently had a heart attack. I guided her through this from afar and think I went wrong when I brought up to her that this is another reason, in a long distance relationship, that I need to be known on some level. She wouldn’t let anyone know about me and this was the most common argument we had. I felt that even if she is a private person, but claims to care about me, that a basic need for me to feel secure in a relationship was to mention that she has a boyfriend, even if vague just to show respect to me. Now away from the relationship I can more clearly see that this wall she put up was possibly due to not seeing me long term, even if she talked about us being together. She did break it off and I panicked and started negotiating with her. “I can give you space as I want you to healthy mentally. I just need some timeline and don’t want us to see other people while working on this.” This is where she ghosted me for over 3 days and I had to send a follow up text. I see where I went wrong as I just loved her so much and clearly was in denial of the rejection. She did write back after I sent the next text and seemed vague again but emphasized again that she “can’t be in a romantic relationship” and “can’t be in a healthy relationship right now.” I waited a day and responded with I would say a shorter message that wasn’t authentic in saying “I’m not really all that interested in you either,” and “probably just didn’t want to lose the companionship. Best of luck.” That was 3 days ago and we haven’t spoke since. I miss her badly but the reality of the situation is setting in and I need to move on.