Reply To: “How Can I Stop Desiring a Partner and Be Happy Alone?”

Often when people are desiring a partner and envious of other’s partnerships, it is because their own life isn’t making them happy and they (subconsciously) feel that another person can fix that for them. Instead you have to build an incredible happy life where they only person you would even tolerate is someone who is a major value add. You have been through A LOT. I would suggest some therapy to unpack what you have been through. I suspect your family of origin modeled a lot of abusive or addition behavior with accommodation. I also catch a whiff of depression in your post, so the therapist can help address that too if needed.

While working on the therapy route make a list of what make life FABULOUS. Hobbies, friends, perfect career, level of financial security. Once you have your list start literally working on making it real. Some things on your list will be quick wins. Particularly in the hobby side. If you make it a point to try something new and do it at least three times once a month or at least once a quarter, you can get the quick dopamine hit of accomplishment. Hobbies can be the gateway to more friendships as well particularly if you pick social ones. Hiking clubs, Card game clubs, book clubs, etc. You can switch jobs and even careers. Just make a plan and work on it.

Once you have filled your life with friends, hobbies, and job that you at least don’t hate, you will find the NEED for a partner to lesson. Also happy and fulfilled people attract happy and fulfilled people. Once your love yourself you MIGHT find the right person to love you back.