Reply To: “My Former Client Broke My Heart”

Late to this party, but I agree with others about how this guy behaved and why.

Narcissist is an actual diagnosable clinical disorder that is rare but has become somewhat of an online buzzword where people are armchair diagnosing narcissists left and right, which is problematic. The vast majority of these people — like this guy — are likely just selfish, self-centered jerks.

Anyway, wanted to add that to move on, do your best to create as much distance as possible. I don’t know what platform you are using that you can tell he deleted you from his contacts, then added you back. Even paying attention to something like that is keeping you hung up on the “why” of his behavior. The “why” never really matters. I know it can feel like if only you had a logical explanation for his behavior, you’d be able to move on, but the reality is that even if you had some kind of firm explanation, it’d still not feel like closure. Good on you for blocking the guy. If you need to, write down the facts of how he treated you so that you can read them any time you catch yourself wondering why or romanticizing the guy. Focus on and pour into yourself. Spend time with friends and family. Cultivate your interests — take a workshop, sign up for a class, try a new hobby volunteer. Anything you’ve ever wanted to try, do it. Do your best to look back as little as possible. If you find yourself ruminating, try to distract yourself. If you need the support of a therapist, there’s no shame in that. Just keep moving forward in big and small ways — if you mess up, get back on track. It gets easier. One day you’ll look back and the guy will give you the ick.